“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
“Am I in love?"
Love is a very powerful emotion. It motivates much of our lives. We make many important decisions based on this emotion, and even get married because we feel that we are “in love.” This may be the reason about half of all first marriages end in divorce. The Bible teaches us that true love is not an emotion that can come or go, but a decision. We are not just to love those who love us; we should even love those who hate us, the same way that Christ loves the unlovable (Luke 6:35).
Love is sometimes confused with infatuation - that elated, "high" feeling we get when we "fall in love." This kind of "love" is something that lasts typically a short time and, unless replaced by true love, results in broken relationships. In a love relationship between a man and a woman, the romance is the physical evidence of the love that exists. When that relationship progresses to marriage, the love built between the man and woman only grows deeper as the bond is made stronger through the intimate union of body and soul.
It can be very easy to “fall in love” with someone, but there are some questions to ask before deciding if what we are feeling is true love. If you are considering giving your heart and emotions to one person, you should ask yourself if you are willing to put that person above all other people and to put your relationship second only to God. The Bible tells us that when two people get married, they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).
There is no measuring stick to determine when we are truly in love with someone, but it is important to discern whether we are following our emotions or following God's will for our lives. True love is a decision, not just an emotion. True biblical love is loving someone all of the time, not just when you feel “in love.”
But, above everything else that is demonstrated in God's Word, it's important to keep in mind that love/romance is an action. It's not passive, and it's not a feeling. It's a verb. It requires you to do something in order to bring it to pass. It also requires that you put the other person's wants and desires above your own. Whenever you need a reminder, go back and read 1 Corinthians 13. And remember, you don't have to do it alone. God's Spirit will work through you. All you have to do is ask.
"How can I face rejection?"
We are all prone to disappointment and feelings of rejection, and that is especially true in the aftermath of a broken relationship. However, as believers we have a resource in God's Word that can bring comfort and clarity to the situation. One person's rejection does not mean we are unlovable. But we can allow that one rejection to determine how we feel and allow that feeling to color our idea of who we are, or we can choose to put that behind us and move forward on the basis of something that is far more lasting.
What is that?
It is our position in Christ. When we are in Christ, we are accepted.
Even though we do not deserve it nor can we earn it, the Lord Jesus Christ has blessed us with every spiritual blessing and has made us accepted in Him. This acceptance is His gift of grace, and it transcends any and all other "feelings" we may have because it is not based on "hope so" but on "know so." We know that this is true because God's Word tells us, and as we appropriate this truth by faith, it becomes reality in our hearts and lives.
Walking by our feelings is like walking through the world with our heart on our sleeve. We are bound to be hurt, and we are bound to be disappointed, for we live in a fallen world. What we choose to do with that hurt and disappointment will either allow us to grow stronger in our walk with the Lord or it will mean that we are walking wounded. Both outcomes are our choice. God makes it possible for us to walk through the disappointments in life with a knowledge that His provision for us works. His grace and His comfort are ours as we rest in Him.
Every child of God has all of these provisions and blessings in Christ, but we have to choose to utilize them. It is sort of like having a million dollars in the bank and choosing to starve to death because we don't use that money to buy food. It is also true that we cannot use what we do not know. Therefore, it behooves every believer to "know" the God who knows us and loves us, and that means allows us to face life armed with real understanding about the reality of walking by faith.
We are not defined by our past failures or by disappointment or by the rejection of others. We are defined as children of God.
Therefore, if you are a child of God, you may suffer disappointment in this life, but you need to remember that as a child of the King, this rejection is a momentary bump in the road. You have a choice to either allow that bump to derail you and walk wounded, or you can choose to claim the heritage of a child of God and move forward in grace.
Forgiveness of others and of self is a gift that you can give because it is the gift given to you by the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 4:32).
"Do we have to be actively looking for a spouse, or wait till God bring a spouse to us?"
The answer to both questions is “YES.”
There is an important balance between the two. We are not to frantically search for a spouse as if it depends solely on our own efforts. Neither are we to be passive, thinking that God will one day cause a spouse to arrive at our door. As Christians, once we have decided that it is time to start looking for a spouse, we should begin the process with prayer. Committing ourselves to God’s will for our lives is the first step.
“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
Delighting in the Lord means we find pleasure in knowing Him and trusting that He will delight us in return. He will put His desires into our hearts, and in the context of seeking a spouse, that means desiring for ourselves the type of spouse He desires for us and who He knows will delight us further. Proverbs 3:6 tells us, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Acknowledging Him in the search for a spouse means submitting to His sovereign will and telling Him that whatever He decides is best is what you want.
After committing ourselves to God’s will, we need to be clear on the characteristics of a godly husband or wife and be seeking someone who qualifies on a spiritual level. It is important to have a clear understanding of these qualities first and then to seek someone who fits them. To “fall in love” with someone and then discover he/she is not spiritually qualified to be our mate is to invite heartache and put ourselves in a very difficult position.
Once we know what the Bible says we should be looking for, we can begin actively looking for a spouse, understanding that God will bring him/her into our lives as we are in the process of looking, according to His perfect will and timing. If we pray, God will lead us to the person He has for us. If we wait for His timing, we will be given the person who fits best with our background, personality, and desires. We have to trust in Him and His timing , even when His timing is not our timing. Sometimes God calls people not to marry at all , but in those situations, He makes it clear by removing the desire for marriage. God's timing is perfect, and with faith and patience, we will receive His promises .
"What is dating / courting based on Bible?"
Although the words “courtship” and “dating” are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to go by during the time before marriage. The first is that we must separate from the world's view on dating because God's way contradicts the world's. While the world’s view may be to date around as much as we want, the important thing is to discover the character of a person before making any commitment to him or her. We should find out if the person has been in the Spirit of Christ (John 3:3-8) and if he or she shares the same desire toward Christ-likeness (Philippians 2:5). The ultimate goal of dating or courting is finding a life partner.
When one is in a committed relationship, whether dating or courting, it is important to remember to love the Lord above all else (Matthew 10:37). It is important to love and honor others as we love ourselves (Romans 12:9-10), and this is certainly true for a courtship or dating relationship. Whether dating or courting, following these biblical principles is the best way to have a secure foundation for a marriage. It is one of the most important decisions we will ever make, because when two people marry, they cleave to one another and become one flesh in a relationship which God intended to be permanent and unbreakable.
"How will I know when I have found the perfect spouse for me?"
The Bible does not address how to find the “perfect spouse,” nor does it get as specific as we might like on the matter of finding the right marriage partner. First Corinthians 7:39 reminds us that, while we are free to marry, we should only marry those who are acceptable to God. Beyond this, the Bible is silent about how to know we are marrying the “right” person.
So why doesn't God spell out for us what we should look for in a mate? The truth is that the Bible is so clear on what a Christian is and how we are to act that specifics are not necessary. Christians are supposed to be likeminded about important issues, and if two Christians are committed to their marriage and to obeying Christ, they already possess the necessary ingredients for success. However, because our society is inundated with many professing Christians, it would be wise to use discernment before devoting oneself to the lifelong commitment of marriage. Once a prospective mate’s priorities are identified—if he or she is truly committed to Christ-likeness—then the specifics are easier to identify and deal with.
We should make sure that we are ready to marry. We must have enough maturity to look beyond the here and now and be able to commit ourselves to joining with this one person for the rest of our lives. We must also recognize that marriage requires sacrifice and selflessness.
A couple should make sure they know each other for a sufficient amount of time before discussing marriage. They should watch how the other person reacts to different situations, how he behaves around his family and friends, and what kind of people she spends time with. A person's behavior is greatly influenced by those he keeps company with. They should agree on issues such as morality, finances, values, children, church attendance and involvement, relationships with in-laws, and employment. These are areas of potential conflict in marriage and should be carefully considered beforehand.
After all these criteria have been met, the couple is ready to prayerfully decide if they desire to be joined together in marriage. If we are earnestly seeking the will of God, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
"Does God have one specific person for you to marry or commonly known as soul mate?"
The common idea of a “soul mate” is that for every person, there is another person who is a “perfect fit,” and if you marry anyone other than this soul mate, you will never be happy.
Is this concept of a soul mate biblical? No, it is not.
The soul mate concept is often used as an excuse for divorce. People who are unhappy in their marriage sometimes claim that they did not marry their soul mate and therefore should divorce and begin the search for their true soul mate. This is nothing more than an excuse, a blatantly unbiblical excuse.
If you are married, the person you are married to is your soul mate. Mark 10:7-9 declares, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
A husband and wife are “united,” “one flesh,” “no longer two, but one,” and “joined together,” i.e., soul mates.
A marriage may not be as unified and joyous as a couple wishes it to be. A husband and wife may not have the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity that they desire. But even in this instance, the husband and wife are still soul mates. A couple in such a situation needs to work on developing true “soul mate” intimacy. By obeying what the Bible teaches about marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33), a couple can develop the intimacy, love, and commitment that being “one flesh” soul mates entails. If you are married, you are married to your soul mate. No matter how disharmonious a marriage is, God can bring healing, forgiveness, restoration, and true marital love and harmony.
Is it possible to marry the wrong person? If we give ourselves to God and seek His guidance, He promises to direct us: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
The implication of Proverbs 3:5-6 is that if you are not trusting in the Lord with all your heart, and are leaning on your own understanding, you can go the wrong direction. Yes, it is possible, in a time of disobedience and lack of close fellowship with God, to marry someone whom He did not desire you to marry. Even in such an instance, though, God is sovereign and in control.
Even if a marriage was not God’s desire, it is still within His sovereign will and plan. First, it is a claim that your wrong decision has overridden God’s will and destroyed His plan. Second, it is a claim that God is not capable of making a struggling marriage happy, unified, and successful. Nothing we do can disrupt God’s sovereign will. God can take any two people, no matter how mismatched, and mold them into two people who are perfect for each other.
If we maintain close fellowship with God, He will lead us and guide us. If a person is walking with the Lord and truly seeking His will, God will lead that person to the spouse He intends. God will lead us to our “soul mate” if we submit to Him and follow Him. However, being soul mates is both a position and a practice. A husband and wife are soul mates in that they are “one flesh,” spiritually, physically, and emotionally united to each other. In practice, though, there is a process of taking what a couple is, soul mates, and making that a day-by-day reality. True soul mate oneness is only possible by implementing the biblical pattern of marriage.
"What is engagement?"
Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement.
Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The only way to have a God-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one's faith and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.
Christians should live their lives with God in the driver's seat, so to speak. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God's Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world's advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God's truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths .
"When is the right time for marriage?"
The right time for marriage is different for each person and unique to each situation. Maturity levels and life experiences are varying factors; some people are ready for marriage at 18, and some are never prepared for it. As the U.S. divorce rate exceeds 50 percent, it is obvious that much of our society does not view marriage as an everlasting commitment. However, this is the world's view, which will usually contradict God's (1 Corinthians 3:18).
A strong foundation is imperative for a successful marriage and should be settled before one even begins to date or court a potential life mate. Our Christian walk should include much more than just attending church on Sundays and being involved in Bible study. We must have a personal relationship with God that comes only through trusting in and obeying Jesus Christ. We must educate ourselves about marriage, seeking God's view on it, before diving in. A person must know what the Bible says about love, commitment, sexual relations, the role of a husband and wife, and His expectations of us before committing to marriage.
Marriage is not only a commitment, but a covenant with God. It is the promise to remain with that other person for the remainder of your life, no matter whether your spouse is rich, poor, healthy, sick, overweight, underweight, or boring. A Christian marriage should endure through every circumstance, including fighting, anger, devastation, disaster, depression, bitterness, addiction, and loneliness. Marriage should never be entered into with the idea that divorce is an option—not even as the last straw. The Bible tells us that through God all things are possible (Luke 18:27), and this certainly includes marriage. If a couple makes the decision at the beginning to stay committed and to put God first, divorce will not be the inevitable solution to a miserable situation.
People often get married because it just “feels right.” In the early stages of dating, and even of marriage, you see the other person coming, and you get butterflies in your stomach. Romance is at its peak, and you know the feeling of being “in love.” Many expect that this feeling will remain forever. The reality is that it does not. The result can be disappointment and even divorce as those feelings fade, but those in successful marriages know that the excitement of being with the other person does not have to end. Instead, the butterflies give way to a deeper love, a stronger commitment, a more solid foundation, and an unbreakable security.
The Bible is clear that love does not rely on feelings. This is evident when we are told to love our enemies . True love is possible only when we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, cultivating the fruit of our salvation (Galatians 5:22-23). It is a decision we make on a daily basis to die to ourselves and our selfishness, and to let God shine through us. When we are ready to love another person as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes, that is the right time for marriage.
